That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
