I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
