nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
