I queefed so loud it echoed.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
