beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
