he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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