I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
