you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
