Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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