How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
