my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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