Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Randomize
