He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Drake has all the answers
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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