help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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