I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
You're like the curious george of whores
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
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