my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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