Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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