I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
