but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
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