I just saw a hot homeless man
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
