she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
