Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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