Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Randomize
