I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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