I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
