Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
