There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
