yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
She bit a glass in half.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
