My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
