I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
