Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
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