I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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