Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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