So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
