I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
