he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
