It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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