Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
