ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
