I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
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he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
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You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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