when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
