and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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