You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
