i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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