I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
