Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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