I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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