smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
