I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Randomize
