I could have mohawked her pubes.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
