Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
