You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
