Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
