don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
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You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
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MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
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