i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize