put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
