What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
