So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
