This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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