"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize