Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
