those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
