About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
